This post is a bit of a rant, so please bear with me...
Why are so many mothers so defensive all the time? Why do people feel the need to justify their actions all the time and belittle others for choosing differently?
Here is an article I read a while ago
Breastfeeding and Alcohol - the facts (http://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/practical-parenting/article/-/7412792/breastfeeding-alcohol-the-facts/)
If you can't be bothered reading the article, it is basically a one page guide to consuming alcohol responsibly while breastfeeding, e.g. facts on how long alcohol stays in your body, how much of it gets into your breastmilk, suggestions on when to drink, when to eat, etc. I think it's a well written article. So what is wrong, then? Well, the response in the form of comments down the bottom... I have no idea why so many people assume that if you are going to drink alcohol at all then not only are you going to do it excessively, but you are also going to smoke cigarettes and bongs (and probably watch porn and clean your gun collection in front of your baby too...) Um, hang on. What is happening here? In no place does the article imply that you should down a whole bottle of vodka and then get into a car and drive with your baby on your lap. It is simply giving you the facts of what you should do if you happen to want to have a glass of wine during dinner like a normal person.
It seems that as a mother, you just can't win - you either need to be purer than the Virgin Mary, or otherwise be branded a bogan slut. There seems to be no in-between. Why can't mothers be normal people like everybody else?
The other comment I seem to hear a lot when discussing alcohol and breastfeeding is the attitude of "well, I gave up drinking completely so I don't see why why others can't do this"... Um, maybe because they don't want to... Good for you if abstaining completely is your choice, but don't push on to others.
Why do so many people seem to think that everyone else should be just like them? I wish people would just shut up about how 'holier than thou' they think they are and not belittle others for making different choices. Alcohol has been part of our society for a long time. It is not about to go away. As long as mothers (and all parents) are sensible in their consumption of it, they should not be thought badly of.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Education Not Confrontation
I got told off for breastfeeding for the first time last week. I suppose that's not so bad, since I've been doing it for over three years, so I was bound to get a negative comment sometime... Still, it's amazing to hear the cliche, stereotypical things that you "expect" to hear being actually directed at you.
The situation was like this - I was working in an open plan office (I usually work in a private office with a door, but this one day I wasn't). My three year old came to see me for lunch, as she does every Friday. And as happens every Friday, she would draw and play a bit while I worked, and then before leaving, she would have a drink of boobie milk. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Happens all the time.
Still, this one particuar time, because I was in the open plan office, the manager saw me, then later told me off for it (in private). His reasons for me not doing it were ones that I had heard a million times before, but never directed at me, i.e. there are males around, there are students around, there are members of the public around... To which my reaction was: So what? Does this mean that no one else is allowed to eat here? Why should my child be discriminated against because she chooses to drink human milk rather that milk from another species?
Anyway, I just nodded and smiled, and sent him links to the Breastfeeding Friendly Workplace Initiative. Annoyed as I was, I didn't think that fighting back at the time was appropriate, so I will let him read all the info and arrange a discussion about it at a later stage.
Sometimes when you're passionate about something it is easy to forget that not everyone shares your values or point of view. If you truly believe in something and want to convince someone else, let them come to their own conclusion in their own time. I suppose that seeing a gigantic three year old breastfeeding may be confronting to some people. I am beginning to think that in order for people to realise this, I can't be in their faces too much. After all, confrontation will make most people either fight back or run for the hills, neither of which leads to a productive solution.
The situation was like this - I was working in an open plan office (I usually work in a private office with a door, but this one day I wasn't). My three year old came to see me for lunch, as she does every Friday. And as happens every Friday, she would draw and play a bit while I worked, and then before leaving, she would have a drink of boobie milk. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Happens all the time.
Still, this one particuar time, because I was in the open plan office, the manager saw me, then later told me off for it (in private). His reasons for me not doing it were ones that I had heard a million times before, but never directed at me, i.e. there are males around, there are students around, there are members of the public around... To which my reaction was: So what? Does this mean that no one else is allowed to eat here? Why should my child be discriminated against because she chooses to drink human milk rather that milk from another species?
Anyway, I just nodded and smiled, and sent him links to the Breastfeeding Friendly Workplace Initiative. Annoyed as I was, I didn't think that fighting back at the time was appropriate, so I will let him read all the info and arrange a discussion about it at a later stage.
Sometimes when you're passionate about something it is easy to forget that not everyone shares your values or point of view. If you truly believe in something and want to convince someone else, let them come to their own conclusion in their own time. I suppose that seeing a gigantic three year old breastfeeding may be confronting to some people. I am beginning to think that in order for people to realise this, I can't be in their faces too much. After all, confrontation will make most people either fight back or run for the hills, neither of which leads to a productive solution.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
If I knew then what I know now...
I read this article on news.com.au recently:
I haven't seen the website that the article is referring to, but I get annoyed at blatant scaremongering and media manipulation. Childbirth is not a disease people. Yes, as with everytihg in life, some people have complications/issues, that require medical attention, but to refer to all birthing women as "patients" is just misleading in my opinion. They are not sick (well, not most of the time).
I am also annoyed about how the article slags off homebirth, implying that it is not a valid birth option and that this option carries more risks than others. It conveniently avoids mentioning the risks of unnecessary intervention.
If I have another child, I would like to give birth at home. Leaving aside the argument that the government wants to prevent me doing this, I have another problem. Someone much closer to me is against the idea. Yes, my husband doesn't want me giving birth at home. Why? Because birthing my first child was such a complicated, traumatic procedure.
Don't get me wrong. I am satisfied with my daughter's birth. It was the best experience I could have hoped for with the limited knowledge I had at the time. Yet if I knew then what I know now, things would have been very different. Because I believe that all the complications during my daughter's birth arose due to unnecessary intervention.
Here is my story.
I had a spontaneous membrane rupture (i.e. my water broke) at 35 weeks 5 days and I went into labour a few hours later. I went to the hospital, and here is where my lack of education got me into trouble. I was planning a natural birth (i.e. no drugs, no intervention, etc), or as natural as possible, anyway. But since I went into labour over four weeks early, the midwives scared me with the idea that since I had come into the hospital, I would be admitted and would have to stay until my baby was born, which they estimated would be a few days. Well, let me tell you, I hate hospitals. Loathe them fiercely. No way did I want to stay in one for days whille I waited for my baby to be born...
It was then that I was informed that there was currently a study being done on women with pre-term membrane rupture (what had happened to me). If I chose to participate I would be randmoly assigned to either "see what happens", or to be induced and then see what happens. This is all that I was told. I was not told anything about induction or what it would involve. At the time I didn't care. I agreed to take part (all in the name of science, etc), and was assigned to be induced. At the time I was glad, thinking that this would guarantee that my baby would be born sooner, hence I would leave the hospital sooner, etc. How wrong I was...
I was induced with a sytocin drip. They put it in my arm, then took me to the labour ward. I was told that as I was pre-36 weeks I would not be allowed to have a waterbirth in the bath, which was a bummer, as this was initially what I had wanted to do. But my labour was progressing by this stage, and I didn't really care about anything anymore.
After about 3 hours, I was only about 4cm dilated. The midwives told me that it would likely be another 3-4hours before I was ready to push. By this time I was in extreme pain. The contractions were coming every minute or so and I kid you not, it was the most uncomfortable, horrible experience of my life. (I later found out that it is the sytocin makes contractions a lot more painful.) I tried to suck on the gas, but it did bugger all, so after another half hour, I gave in and asked for an epidural. When the lady came to give it to me she warned me that "it might be a bit uncomfortable as I stick the needle in." It was all I could do not to laugh. At that point a giant needle in my spine sounded like a mosquito bite compared to what I was currently experiencing.
Well, I suppose I should say at this point that the epidural was one of the best parts of the whole experience (second to meeting my baby of course, but that was still to come). I had heard horror stories about epidurals, but the reality was not so bad. Sure, it involved a needle in my spine, but I wasn't paralysed or anything. I could still feel my legs. I could still move. I could still feel the contractions, but they were not painful anymore.
After this, it seemed like a really short time before I was told that I was fully dilated and ready to push (it was about one hour since I had been told it would be three to four hours - if I had known it would only be 0ne hour I may have perservered without the epidural...) However, because the epidural made me kind of numb, I found it very difficult to push. After what seemed like the longest time, they realised that the baby's head was slightly twisted, which was why she was not coming out. I believe that the induction, which forced the contractions to be stronger caused this. Then, the epidural made me unable to push, which led me to agree to a forceps delivery. When the doctors asked me "do you want help getting this baby out?", I answered "yes" I was thinking: Umm, yes please... Anything, just make it stop. (TMI warning: I ended up needing an episiotomy - all that preparation so that I wouldn't tear wasted...)
Anyhoo - the delivery went well (although the doctor had to literally yank my daughter out - she came out with a big red mark on her eye from the forceps, but luckily had no long term damage), but I know now that I was damned lucky. I have since found out that many babies suffer long term damage as a result of forceps during delivery.
As it is, my daughter's father was so traumatised by her birth that he insists I give birth in a hospital next time because "what if it happens again?" Well, if I hadn't gone to hospital and had intervention, I truly believe that the whole thing would have been a whole lot less difficult.
Which leads me to conclude that unnecessary intervention during childbirth is much more dangerous than an informed homebirth. As with everything, education is the key. Women need to be educated to trust in themselves and their bodies. Childbirth is not a disease. Unless there are underlying medical issues or complications, it should be prefectly safe to do at home or whereever you are most comfortable.
Birthing website misleading - doctors
http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/birthing-website-misleading-doctors/story-e6frfku0-1225938061309I haven't seen the website that the article is referring to, but I get annoyed at blatant scaremongering and media manipulation. Childbirth is not a disease people. Yes, as with everytihg in life, some people have complications/issues, that require medical attention, but to refer to all birthing women as "patients" is just misleading in my opinion. They are not sick (well, not most of the time).
I am also annoyed about how the article slags off homebirth, implying that it is not a valid birth option and that this option carries more risks than others. It conveniently avoids mentioning the risks of unnecessary intervention.
If I have another child, I would like to give birth at home. Leaving aside the argument that the government wants to prevent me doing this, I have another problem. Someone much closer to me is against the idea. Yes, my husband doesn't want me giving birth at home. Why? Because birthing my first child was such a complicated, traumatic procedure.
Don't get me wrong. I am satisfied with my daughter's birth. It was the best experience I could have hoped for with the limited knowledge I had at the time. Yet if I knew then what I know now, things would have been very different. Because I believe that all the complications during my daughter's birth arose due to unnecessary intervention.
Here is my story.
I had a spontaneous membrane rupture (i.e. my water broke) at 35 weeks 5 days and I went into labour a few hours later. I went to the hospital, and here is where my lack of education got me into trouble. I was planning a natural birth (i.e. no drugs, no intervention, etc), or as natural as possible, anyway. But since I went into labour over four weeks early, the midwives scared me with the idea that since I had come into the hospital, I would be admitted and would have to stay until my baby was born, which they estimated would be a few days. Well, let me tell you, I hate hospitals. Loathe them fiercely. No way did I want to stay in one for days whille I waited for my baby to be born...
It was then that I was informed that there was currently a study being done on women with pre-term membrane rupture (what had happened to me). If I chose to participate I would be randmoly assigned to either "see what happens", or to be induced and then see what happens. This is all that I was told. I was not told anything about induction or what it would involve. At the time I didn't care. I agreed to take part (all in the name of science, etc), and was assigned to be induced. At the time I was glad, thinking that this would guarantee that my baby would be born sooner, hence I would leave the hospital sooner, etc. How wrong I was...
I was induced with a sytocin drip. They put it in my arm, then took me to the labour ward. I was told that as I was pre-36 weeks I would not be allowed to have a waterbirth in the bath, which was a bummer, as this was initially what I had wanted to do. But my labour was progressing by this stage, and I didn't really care about anything anymore.
After about 3 hours, I was only about 4cm dilated. The midwives told me that it would likely be another 3-4hours before I was ready to push. By this time I was in extreme pain. The contractions were coming every minute or so and I kid you not, it was the most uncomfortable, horrible experience of my life. (I later found out that it is the sytocin makes contractions a lot more painful.) I tried to suck on the gas, but it did bugger all, so after another half hour, I gave in and asked for an epidural. When the lady came to give it to me she warned me that "it might be a bit uncomfortable as I stick the needle in." It was all I could do not to laugh. At that point a giant needle in my spine sounded like a mosquito bite compared to what I was currently experiencing.
Well, I suppose I should say at this point that the epidural was one of the best parts of the whole experience (second to meeting my baby of course, but that was still to come). I had heard horror stories about epidurals, but the reality was not so bad. Sure, it involved a needle in my spine, but I wasn't paralysed or anything. I could still feel my legs. I could still move. I could still feel the contractions, but they were not painful anymore.
After this, it seemed like a really short time before I was told that I was fully dilated and ready to push (it was about one hour since I had been told it would be three to four hours - if I had known it would only be 0ne hour I may have perservered without the epidural...) However, because the epidural made me kind of numb, I found it very difficult to push. After what seemed like the longest time, they realised that the baby's head was slightly twisted, which was why she was not coming out. I believe that the induction, which forced the contractions to be stronger caused this. Then, the epidural made me unable to push, which led me to agree to a forceps delivery. When the doctors asked me "do you want help getting this baby out?", I answered "yes" I was thinking: Umm, yes please... Anything, just make it stop. (TMI warning: I ended up needing an episiotomy - all that preparation so that I wouldn't tear wasted...)
Anyhoo - the delivery went well (although the doctor had to literally yank my daughter out - she came out with a big red mark on her eye from the forceps, but luckily had no long term damage), but I know now that I was damned lucky. I have since found out that many babies suffer long term damage as a result of forceps during delivery.
As it is, my daughter's father was so traumatised by her birth that he insists I give birth in a hospital next time because "what if it happens again?" Well, if I hadn't gone to hospital and had intervention, I truly believe that the whole thing would have been a whole lot less difficult.
Which leads me to conclude that unnecessary intervention during childbirth is much more dangerous than an informed homebirth. As with everything, education is the key. Women need to be educated to trust in themselves and their bodies. Childbirth is not a disease. Unless there are underlying medical issues or complications, it should be prefectly safe to do at home or whereever you are most comfortable.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Random Ramblings of a Suburban Mum
I am a woman. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am an artist. I am a writer. I am an office worker...
I am also several other things, which I don't yet feel the need or the comfort to share... (I am a bad housekeeper. I am lazy. I am financially irresponsible. You get the piture...) I am all these things and more. Is it any wonder that I am constantly exhausted??
I do a lot of things, but none of them particularly well. I have many ideas. I start many projects. And yet I seem to lack the ability to see them through. I start something, only to abandon it halfway through and move on to the next thing. I seem to lost interest in anything and everything that requires concentrated effort on my part...
And yet, I am not a complete failure at seeing things through. Becuase you see, there is one thing that I set out to achieve and I achieved it to completion. And that thing is breastfeeding. When my daughter was born, I planned to breastfeed her for the two years and beyond that is recommended by the World Health Organization. It was sometimes a struggle, but I was determined (and since along with being lazy, I am a bad cook, even when it was hard, it was still by far the easiest way for me to feed my baby).
My daughter is now three and we are still going. I guess I have become what some people refer to as an "extended breastfeeder" (although the correct term is "full-term breastfeeder", but more of that another day). I am one of those women that feeds their walking, talking child that has the ability to say "Can I have some boobie milk please?". We are actually more common than people think - we just don't advertise what we do. But that's a topic for another time...
When we reached the two year mark, my next goal became to feed my daughter until she self weans. The problem is, that I am once again losing interest. Being a constant milk factory is becoming boring... Still, this is not just about me. Because breastfeeding is a symbiotic relationship between mother and child, a relationship that is beneficial to both. I am wondering when my daughter and I will decide that this particular part of our lives has been completed. I am hoping it is in the not too distant future, as although it has been good, I am ready for something new.
I am also several other things, which I don't yet feel the need or the comfort to share... (I am a bad housekeeper. I am lazy. I am financially irresponsible. You get the piture...) I am all these things and more. Is it any wonder that I am constantly exhausted??
I do a lot of things, but none of them particularly well. I have many ideas. I start many projects. And yet I seem to lack the ability to see them through. I start something, only to abandon it halfway through and move on to the next thing. I seem to lost interest in anything and everything that requires concentrated effort on my part...
And yet, I am not a complete failure at seeing things through. Becuase you see, there is one thing that I set out to achieve and I achieved it to completion. And that thing is breastfeeding. When my daughter was born, I planned to breastfeed her for the two years and beyond that is recommended by the World Health Organization. It was sometimes a struggle, but I was determined (and since along with being lazy, I am a bad cook, even when it was hard, it was still by far the easiest way for me to feed my baby).
My daughter is now three and we are still going. I guess I have become what some people refer to as an "extended breastfeeder" (although the correct term is "full-term breastfeeder", but more of that another day). I am one of those women that feeds their walking, talking child that has the ability to say "Can I have some boobie milk please?". We are actually more common than people think - we just don't advertise what we do. But that's a topic for another time...
When we reached the two year mark, my next goal became to feed my daughter until she self weans. The problem is, that I am once again losing interest. Being a constant milk factory is becoming boring... Still, this is not just about me. Because breastfeeding is a symbiotic relationship between mother and child, a relationship that is beneficial to both. I am wondering when my daughter and I will decide that this particular part of our lives has been completed. I am hoping it is in the not too distant future, as although it has been good, I am ready for something new.
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