This post is a bit of a rant, so please bear with me...
Why are so many mothers so defensive all the time? Why do people feel the need to justify their actions all the time and belittle others for choosing differently?
Here is an article I read a while ago
Breastfeeding and Alcohol - the facts (http://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/practical-parenting/article/-/7412792/breastfeeding-alcohol-the-facts/)
If you can't be bothered reading the article, it is basically a one page guide to consuming alcohol responsibly while breastfeeding, e.g. facts on how long alcohol stays in your body, how much of it gets into your breastmilk, suggestions on when to drink, when to eat, etc. I think it's a well written article. So what is wrong, then? Well, the response in the form of comments down the bottom... I have no idea why so many people assume that if you are going to drink alcohol at all then not only are you going to do it excessively, but you are also going to smoke cigarettes and bongs (and probably watch porn and clean your gun collection in front of your baby too...) Um, hang on. What is happening here? In no place does the article imply that you should down a whole bottle of vodka and then get into a car and drive with your baby on your lap. It is simply giving you the facts of what you should do if you happen to want to have a glass of wine during dinner like a normal person.
It seems that as a mother, you just can't win - you either need to be purer than the Virgin Mary, or otherwise be branded a bogan slut. There seems to be no in-between. Why can't mothers be normal people like everybody else?
The other comment I seem to hear a lot when discussing alcohol and breastfeeding is the attitude of "well, I gave up drinking completely so I don't see why why others can't do this"... Um, maybe because they don't want to... Good for you if abstaining completely is your choice, but don't push on to others.
Why do so many people seem to think that everyone else should be just like them? I wish people would just shut up about how 'holier than thou' they think they are and not belittle others for making different choices. Alcohol has been part of our society for a long time. It is not about to go away. As long as mothers (and all parents) are sensible in their consumption of it, they should not be thought badly of.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Education Not Confrontation
I got told off for breastfeeding for the first time last week. I suppose that's not so bad, since I've been doing it for over three years, so I was bound to get a negative comment sometime... Still, it's amazing to hear the cliche, stereotypical things that you "expect" to hear being actually directed at you.
The situation was like this - I was working in an open plan office (I usually work in a private office with a door, but this one day I wasn't). My three year old came to see me for lunch, as she does every Friday. And as happens every Friday, she would draw and play a bit while I worked, and then before leaving, she would have a drink of boobie milk. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Happens all the time.
Still, this one particuar time, because I was in the open plan office, the manager saw me, then later told me off for it (in private). His reasons for me not doing it were ones that I had heard a million times before, but never directed at me, i.e. there are males around, there are students around, there are members of the public around... To which my reaction was: So what? Does this mean that no one else is allowed to eat here? Why should my child be discriminated against because she chooses to drink human milk rather that milk from another species?
Anyway, I just nodded and smiled, and sent him links to the Breastfeeding Friendly Workplace Initiative. Annoyed as I was, I didn't think that fighting back at the time was appropriate, so I will let him read all the info and arrange a discussion about it at a later stage.
Sometimes when you're passionate about something it is easy to forget that not everyone shares your values or point of view. If you truly believe in something and want to convince someone else, let them come to their own conclusion in their own time. I suppose that seeing a gigantic three year old breastfeeding may be confronting to some people. I am beginning to think that in order for people to realise this, I can't be in their faces too much. After all, confrontation will make most people either fight back or run for the hills, neither of which leads to a productive solution.
The situation was like this - I was working in an open plan office (I usually work in a private office with a door, but this one day I wasn't). My three year old came to see me for lunch, as she does every Friday. And as happens every Friday, she would draw and play a bit while I worked, and then before leaving, she would have a drink of boobie milk. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Happens all the time.
Still, this one particuar time, because I was in the open plan office, the manager saw me, then later told me off for it (in private). His reasons for me not doing it were ones that I had heard a million times before, but never directed at me, i.e. there are males around, there are students around, there are members of the public around... To which my reaction was: So what? Does this mean that no one else is allowed to eat here? Why should my child be discriminated against because she chooses to drink human milk rather that milk from another species?
Anyway, I just nodded and smiled, and sent him links to the Breastfeeding Friendly Workplace Initiative. Annoyed as I was, I didn't think that fighting back at the time was appropriate, so I will let him read all the info and arrange a discussion about it at a later stage.
Sometimes when you're passionate about something it is easy to forget that not everyone shares your values or point of view. If you truly believe in something and want to convince someone else, let them come to their own conclusion in their own time. I suppose that seeing a gigantic three year old breastfeeding may be confronting to some people. I am beginning to think that in order for people to realise this, I can't be in their faces too much. After all, confrontation will make most people either fight back or run for the hills, neither of which leads to a productive solution.
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